


He’s not dull

by Sharing_a_room_with_an_open_fire



Series: Stories 5001 - 10,000 words [2]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: A small mirror can help spying on one’s crush during lunch, Awkward Conversations, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Awkwardness, Baz and Niall are friends, Baz and Simon go to the library together, Baz doesn't dare to hope but he should since Simon is so in to him, Baz has no idea what to do, Because it's now coming from Baz’s hair too, Best Friends, Blushing, Blushing Simon Snow, Blushing Tyrannus Basilton ”Baz” Pitch, Boys In Love, Confused Simon Snow, Confused Tyrannus Basilton ”Baz” Pitch, Dating, Detective Niall, Dorks in Love, Dramatic Simon Snow, Dramatic Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Fake ex, Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Fluffy Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow, Friendship, Gay Simon Snow, Gay Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Gentle Simon Snow, Getting Together, He isn't very convincing, Humor, Idiots in Love, Is the Humdrum involved?, It makes perfect sense to Simon himself and only him, M/M, Mutual Pining, Niall is an exchange student at Watford, Niall plays lacrosse, Niall will help these two morons getting together, Oblivious Simon Snow, Oblivious Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, POV Alternating, POV First Person, POV Niall, POV Simon Snow, POV Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Pining, Pining Simon Snow, Pining Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Protective Simon Snow, Simon Snow Loves Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Simon Snow in Love, Simon Snow is Gay for Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Simon is convinced the vampire thrall is getting stronger, Simon is pretending to read a book, Simon is the fake ex, Simon needs to watch Baz sleep in order to find out, Smile, SnowBaz, Soft Simon Snow, Soft Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Soft Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow, The force of vampire thrall is strong, There are more butterflies and that can only mean one thing, Truce, True Love, Tumblr Prompt, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch Is Gay for Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch Loves Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch in Love, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow in Love, Vampire thrall strikes again, Voice activated vampire thrall or vision activated or maybe none at all, Watford (Simon Snow), Watford Eighth Year, Worried Simon Snow, carry on sparks, he just doesn’t know it himself, he just doesn’t see it himself yet, more flirting, slow
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:22:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23805289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sharing_a_room_with_an_open_fire/pseuds/Sharing_a_room_with_an_open_fire
Summary: ”I will let you know that I have indeed been dating before. I happen to have an ex,” I tell him even though it’s a lie. (I’m lucky I’m a good liar.)Niall looks at me quizzically, ”Who is your ex?””Simon Snow,” I blurt out because I’ve been just thinking about him, how I wish he was my boyfriend. I wasn’t planning on saying his name though.A SnowBaz Fake Ex AU.
Relationships: Niall & Simon Snow, Niall & Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch & Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Series: Stories 5001 - 10,000 words [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2101026
Comments: 80
Kudos: 112





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nightimedreamer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightimedreamer/gifts).



> This fic was inspired yesterday by a _”Fake Ex”_ prompt shared on Tumblr by [nightimedreamersworld](https://nightimedreamersworld.tumblr.com) and mentioned me amongst other people as a possible writer for this.  
>   
> I’m not the one to back down from a challenge, so here it is. It’s going to be short and silly.  
>   
> Lots of 💙 to my supportive beta [mybluebucketofsnow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mybluebucketofsnow/pseuds/mybluebucketofsnow) who goes along with whatever I write.

# BAZ

”Baz, you need to start dating. I mean it,” Niall tells me with his overly annoying, _I care about you_ , voice. ”If you don’t get into this today, you’ll end up going on singles tours of Magickal Britain when you’re 32.”

He has been bothering me on the topic for far too long. He’s lucky I warmed up to him this quickly. 

He’s an exchange student from America for our final year. Even though he _is_ British. 

Niall’s parents chose to live in the magickal hellhole for some kind of research or perhaps it was a social experiment. Who even knows the difference at this point? 

”Interesting how much you know about England’s dating policies and yet have no insights into politics,” I try to swing conversation into a different direction. I happen to be talented in that department. 

People tend to get very emotional whenever politics are being brought up. 

By the time I’m done, Niall all but forgot what he was trying to say in the first place.

”Who cares about politics? It’s just one tiny country.”

Just one tiny country? That is a bit extreme even for someone who was living in America.

However, before I get to bring my concerns to his attention, Niall continues.

”What is more important right now is your dating life or better to call it — the lack of one.”

He isn't letting the matter go. I always thought that I am the one who is fixating on certain things or details more than others do. 

Niall, however, seems to be my peer. (I’m not used to having any, except for Bunce when it comes to academia.) 

”I will let you know that I have indeed been dating before. I happen to have an ex,” I tell him even though it’s a lie. (I’m lucky I’m a good liar.)

Niall looks at me quizzically, ”Who is your ex?”

”Simon Snow,” I blurt out because I’ve been just thinking about him, how I wish he was my boyfriend. I wasn’t planning on saying his name though. I was planning on saying a random name and pretending it was nothing but a summer fling. 

When two souls meet by the lake and fall hopelessly into a blooming summer romance that will bring them both joy and just as summer itself it will inevitably end in tears and rain. That would have sounded very convincing _and_ believable, I'm sure of it. 

Why did I say it was Snow? I can’t take it back, can I? All I can do is to make the best of this situation.

”Your roommate, Simon Snow?” he asks and I sneer. 

”The one and only.” 

Perhaps this was a good thing after all. Now he will leave me alone.

Niall does look very pleased with the admission.

”I never knew,” he says and then adds, ”I should talk to him, to see what went wrong and in this manner help you with your next conquests.”

Conquests? I don’t have any and I don’t want any. I want Simon bloody _Snow_.

Wait. What did he just say?

”You want to speak to Snow?”

Niall looks at me very intensely, ”It makes sense, it will help in the long run.”

”I’m not sure it’s a good idea, Niall,” I try to deflect.

”Why not?” he inquires and I have nothing. 

_Think Basilton, think._

”Well, we haven’t ended on amicable terms,” I lie again and thank my lucky star for being such a good liar.

# NIALL

Baz is the worst liar I’ve ever met.

”Even better,” I declare as calmly as possible. (I happen to be a terrific liar, especially when it’s for the greater good.) ”It will give me more insights into this whole ordeal.”

”It will? Are you quite sure?” Basil asks terrified. He’s not pulling nonchalance as good as he thinks he is. 

And Snow glaring at Basil ten times a day (minimum).

Those two can’t be more obvious than that.

It’s a wonder Snow has no idea Baz is in love with him. Although, Snow has no idea that he himself is in love with Basil either. 

”Yes, of course, my dear Basil. This will turn out great,” I declare with perfect calm in my voice. (After all, this isn’t my first rodeo of helping two idiots in love.)

# BAZ

This will turn out to be an absolute disaster.

I will need to find Snow and beg him to agree to this. (Will he do it I wonder?) 

Oh, I will also have to tell him that I’m gay. I don't think there is another way. I guess I could tell him that Niall simply assumed that I was gay and I did not want to dispute the matter. 

However, that would bring me to more lies and I am not quite sure I am capable of handling more with the same level of deception and callousness as I achieved in my conversation with Niall. 

_Crowley_ , my life sure was easier before I befriended Niall.

It’s like I always say — having friends is more responsibility than one person can handle.

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

# BAZ

As I approach the door to our room, I’m practically buzzing with apprehension. 

_This is a bad idea, Basilton, a very bad idea._

Unfortunately, I never back down from a challenge. You can blame my genes for that. In truth being a Pitch is a blessing and a curse.

I put my hand in the doorknob, take a deep breath, turn it and enter.

Snow is sitting, pretending to do his homework while waiting for me to arrive. He looks up and glares at me. I pretend not to notice.

”Fancy seeing you here, Snow,” I state with ease even though I’m extremely nervous. However, I know I look convincing, after all, Niall bought into my little ruse.

It’s going to be absolutely humiliating though.

Don’t get me wrong, I have no pride left where Simon Snow is concerned.

Regardless of that, this is going to be a different manner altogether. Will he laugh at me for being gay? 

One can never know when it comes to Snow. 

He gives me a wary look, ”I also live here.”

”So you do. I haven’t noticed,” I sneer and then realize that perhaps I might need to tone down the sneering. 

It’s almost pavlovian by now — a reaction to his voice. Sneering seems like a better alternative than drooling over how beautiful he is.

I clear my voice, ”You’re quite right on that point.”

His eyes widen in confusion and might be horror as well. (Why I have no idea.)

# SIMON

Baz sauters into our room like the arrogant twat he always is, not a worry on his face.

But now he seems different. What is happening? Is he being nice to me? No, that can’t be…

Is he trying to put me under his vampire thrall? That _must_ be it. There can not be any other explanation for his odd behaviour.

I don’t dare to speak in case the vampire thrall is activated through my voice alone — a voice recognition system. 

Penny says that’s something they have now when it comes to technology. Baz is obviously not an Android — man-made technological invention. 

No person alive could produce someone as infuriating flawless and fit as he is, with his long black hair and his elegant fingers and a ripped stomach, and quite the powerful and skilful kick on the field, puzzling everyone with it and that sneer that only he can muster.

What was I saying?

Oh, yeah, no one could have created Baz because he’s _too_ _perfect_.

# BAZ

Snow is glaring angrily at me as usual. No doubt thinking about all the bad feelings he has against me. (He despises everything about me, without exception.)

I have no idea what to say. I’ve spent the long walk over here trying to think of something. 

No luck.

I’m going on the offensive here and just tell him things in a way he will surely understand.

”I’m gay,” I declare and worry what will happen now.

Snow blinks at me with his ordinary blue eyes I don’t really hate, fluttering his stubby brown eyelashes I want to _count_ (not in a creepy way, I don’t think.)

While a blush that is more appealing than I care to admit is colouring his tawny cheeks, he blurts out a quick and shocked, ” _You’re_ _gay_?” 

# SIMON

I know I wasn’t supposed to speak because of the _voice activation_ for the vampire thrall but Baz just said he’s gay.

People just don’t say that for no reason. According to Penny, it’s extremely difficult to be gay in the World of Mages, where everyone’s family is worried about their line dying out and the decline of magic.

I had no idea myself. I wasn't even sure what gay meant exactly before Penny explained the definition to me. 

It’s not because I don't care. I do but I have too much on my plate. All those evil people around. Like Baz, who’s evil. He is evil because he’s perfect and fit and has beautiful hair.

Wait, no… That seems wrong and maybe even offensive?

Is he evil because he is a dark creature or is he evil on his own because of his perfection? 

I have no idea. It’s all very confusing and I can’t think straight now that he told me he’s gay. 

I'm worried I say something I regret later. I try no to think about what that can be. 

But it sure has something to do with how deep the shade of his eyes is and also something about his legs and hands, also hair...

# BAZ

”My friend wants me to start dating,” I say and then add, ”Niall, I mean.” 

I’m not sure there is a need to clarify since I do not actually have any other friends except perhaps for my cousin Dev. Although that is more of a forced friendship based on family ties if anything.

Snow is looking me square in the eyes, the blush is deeper now for whatever reason, mouth hanging open (mouth breather) and stays quiet.

”I don’t want to date right now,” I try to make it sound nonchalant while speaking to Snow. 

My utmost important mission here is _not_ to indicate by any means that the only reason I don’t want to date is that I’m in love with him. 

Snow’s only reaction is a hurried and confused, ”What?”

He doesn’t seem to be keeping up with the story too well and here I thought I could not have made myself more clear.

I continue and hope he’ll catch up eventually, ”That is why in order to avoid any inconvenience with any possible blind date setups, I told Niall that you are my recent ex.”

Snow almost falls down from his seat, ”You did _what_?” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What will happen next is the big question. Since there’s still no outline (living my life on the edge 🤘), I know as much as you do, dear reader. (I might have a few ideas though.)


	3. Chapter 3

# SIMON

”You did _what_?”

I almost fall down from my chair. 

Why would Baz even say that it’s me? How could my name come to his mind while on the topic of a _boyfriend_?

He thinks he’s better than me, he despises me.

And why would Niall even believe him? 

Sure, he grew up in America, but he _is_ British. He must still know that Baz hates me. 

Isn’t that common knowledge amongst all British citizens? The ones from the World of Mages that is. 

Normals don’t know anything about how much Baz despises me. But that’s just because I don’t talk to them in care homes. Otherwise, everyone would know how much he hates me. 

I don’t really have many friends. Baz does, the whole school thinks he’s perfect. And now he befriended Niall too. 

How many friends does he need exactly? I only have Penny. And yeah, Agatha I guess whenever we’re not together. 

She did break up with me, so we’re friends again. I like it better that way. 

”I don’t want to date,” is what he says and he might be repeating everything now from the beginning. Does he think I did not hear him the first time?

I don’t understand why Baz doesn’t want to date. It's not like he doesn’t have anyone to choose from. The whole school is into him.

Maybe that’s the reason. Maybe he wants to date some extra posh people, _too posh_ for Watford even. I wonder who that can be, I thought all magicians went to Watford. Has he met a faery? I thought there weren’t any left?

Or he just doesn’t have time for dating because he’s too busy plotting against me.

Yes, that makes much more sense. Agatha always complained about how I spend every moment thinking and talking about him. And that does take a lot of time. 

Baz might be having the same issues as me. Except instead of thinking about me, he’s plotting against me.

Another issue I have with him choosing me if that I’m not even gay. How would that be believable? 

I mean, I’m definitely not into girls and have been fantasising about how it could feel to be touching cheeks and lips with certain blokes (but only _a few_ so it hardly counts). 

However, that by no means indicates in any way that I might be gay. 

At least I don’t think so. Although all those things Penny explained to me about being gay sure makes one confused about this whole thing, doesn’t it? 

There are more pressing factors to be confused about here though — _Baz._

”That is the reason I told Niall that you’re my ex-boyfriend,” he continues and looks strange. 

# BAZ

I just said the word _boyfriend_ in a casual conversation with Simon Snow.

For whatever miraculous reason I did not end up going up in flames. That is unexpected, yet welcome news.

All I need to do now is to keep a civil tone so Snow will agree to this. I will beg if I have to — it’s not beneath me. (Snow is. Beneath me. Always. By at least three inches.)

# SIMON

He stopped sneering for once and also looks, I don’t even know, friendly maybe? It’s putting me on edge. 

This is very unnatural behaviour and I feel a little bit scared if I have to be completely honest. (A lot even.)

I know that I slew a dragon in first year, Agatha keeps reminding me about that. And yet Baz, without a sneer on his lips, that are full and also have more colour to them than the rest of him (especially after he licks them) is much more terrifying and ominous.

# BAZ

Snow looks scared all of a sudden, even more than before. I’m not sure what this can be about. Is he afraid of other people finding out? Niall promised not to tell anyone. 

I trust him, he seems like an honest and reliable lad and I happen to be an exemplary judge of character. 

After all, I’m in love with Simon and he is as pure as they come. He does not have one deceiving bone in his body.

# SIMON

I keep thinking of how maybe this is a hallucination. 

Am I in a battle right now and fell down and hit my head very hard by any chance? (It happens more often than people think. I’ve been hit on my head a lot.)

# BAZ

Snow looks around for some reason and then back at me.

”Are you sure?” he asks baffled.

# SIMON

”Yes, I am quite sure,” he says and then adds,”Why do you ask?”

Now I’m wondering if maybe Baz fell down and hit _his_ head. Can vampires get a concussion?

I try to look in his eyes more carefully to see if his pupils are dilated. 

I usually don’t dare to gaze into them too much since that makes me feel very strange, while a comfortable warm feeling is spreading through my body and something tightens in my stomach. I know what that means — beginning of _vampire_ _thrall._

However, now I’m not sure anymore if the thrall is activated through voice or vision, might be both. But I’m really worried about Baz. So it’s worth the risk.

# BAZ

And now he’s taking a step closer. I don’t mind that per se. It all depends where he’s going with this.

Snow is staring into my eyes. He’s never done that before. He prefers to avoid looking at me in general, except for glaring.

Oh… Does he think that queer people have different eyes? Is he going to comment on my clothing now too? 

I’m impeccably dressed because I’m me, not because I’m gay. To believe the opposite is an outdated stereotype that has no place in our world.

# SIMON

Baz asked me a question but it’s hard to concentrate while he’s this _close_...

His eyes look fine — dreamy and beautiful as ever. 

Maybe I should check even closer? Should I stand just next to him, while almost touching, and gaze into his dreamy eyes?

No, it might be a bad idea. I doubt he will be okay with that. 

I wouldn't know how to explain why I’m staring into his eyes if he asks. (I can hardly explain it to myself, everything that is happening.)

I swallow and try to speak instead.

”I wanted-, well to make sure,” I admit because it is the truth. ”Just in case- I misunderstood or misheard.”

I’m stammering now and Baz is just looking at me, face serious. Where is the sneer? Where did it go?

”I appreciate your concern,” he replies calmly. "You haven't misheard. That is exactly what I meant."

”You appreciate my concern?” I need to double-check because this whole situation is bizarre, to say the least...

”Yes, that is very honourable of you, Snow,” he replies and almost smiles at me. 

I shudder, probably from terror. What the bloody hell is happening here? 

Is it the Humdrum attack? Has Baz been cursed?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still no outline. It’s a wild life!🤘


	4. Chapter 4

# BAZ

Snow still looks terrified, now even more than before. Is it still about Niall telling people?

”Baz—” he takes a fistful of his hair and pulls, eyes wide, ”Are you feeling okay?”

”Grand. Kind of you to ask,” I declare without a sneer _again_. 

This whole exchange has been difficult — every fibre of my body wants to sneer at him. Still, I have managed to abstain. 

”How are _you_ feeling, Snow?” I ask since we seem to be having a health-related conversation. 

Not sure where that came from. However, I have no idea how an average chit chat goes with Snow.

Is that his conversation starter? Most people would choose the weather or school but I suppose health is just as good of a topic as any.

Snow has confusion written all over his face. ”I’m fine. Are you—” he’s thinking slowly now and I stay quiet, which is not a small deed. ” — I mean...”

# SIMON

I need to figure this out. Is there another explanation? Baz is beautiful and perfect and smart. What would he be doing with me?

”Why me?” I finally ask.

”A matter of convenience,” he answers, still in a friendly (so bloody weird) tone and makes even less sense.

If Baz would have said that he happened to think about me at that moment, plotting my downfall and accidentally said my name, I would have believed him because that makes sense. 

This — doesn’t.

I myself do think about him all the time and accidentally said his name instead of Agatha’s while snogging her a few times. Which was not a surprise. 

What _was_ a surprise that it hasn't happened more often since I’m always thinking about him and all the plots he’s up to while he’s reading books or walking or sitting? 

Anything he does really is worth paying attention too, just in case. 

That is why based on all his answers and the lack of sneering, I think Baz might be cursed after all. Or maybe it _is_ a vampire thrall that the Humdrum put on him or on me. I can’t tell the difference between who is cursed or under a thrall between the two of us apparently and I know Baz better than anyone. 

There is no other choice, I need to agree to this and keep an eye on him. More than usual. 

I should probably watch him sleep tonight just to be sure that it isn’t the Humdrum putting curses or thralls.

”I’ll do it, on one condition,” I say.

”And that is?” Baz asks and he’s looking wary.

”A magickal oath,” I announce and blush because I’ve never taken an oath before. It feels very intimate. ”A truce where we don’t fight each other and you can’t be plotting against me.” 

I need to be able to follow Baz everywhere and that means I should not be worried about him scheming.

I thought he’d be fighting me on this since he won't be able to plot against me anymore. It _changes_ _everything_. 

However, he agreed on the spot, ”Fine.”

# BAZ

I was worried that Snow would want me to tell Wellbelove this being all but a hoax in case she’d find out. (I trust Niall not to tell, but Snow is a walking breathing paranoia.) Then Wellbelove would know I’m in love with him. She might not be as powerful and academically inclined like Bunce is but the girl isn’t stupid, nor is she thick like Snow. But he didn’t ask for it. Thank snakes for that.

I couldn't be happier about this arrangement. I would never hurt Simon as it is. I’m in love with the moron. (Granted he doesn’t know about that.)

This truce simply means that _nothing_ _changes_. I keep loving him and never going to hurt him.

I slip my wand out of my sleeve and take Snow’s hand. 

That’s a first for us, we’ve never held hands before. (Not that this means anything to him.)

# SIMON

Baz takes my hand and it distracts me from what he’s saying. 

”What.” I may be very distracted by his hand on mine. (The vampire thrall must be powerful.)

”Until we stop being fake exes,” he repeats, still friendly.

I nod.

Then he taps our joined hands. **_“An Englishman’s word is his bond!”_ **

Baz’s magic sinks into my hand, burning. It feels very nice like I’d want more even though I don’t like people casting spells on me. 

It’s probably because he’s a vampire that it feels good. (His magic must be different.)

”And you don’t have to worry about Niall. He promised not to tell anyone about us being exes.”

”Oh, okay.” I was hoping he would, at least to Agatha. Then she’ll be my friend forever and we won’t be getting back together.

But maybe it is for the best. 

Who’d believe us to be exes? If Baz was my boyfriend I’d never let him go. 

I mean if I wanted to have a boyfriend, which I obviously don’t. I’m not even gay. 

This is all theoretical speculation. Like they do in science class at Normal schools. 

”Another thing,” Baz says. ”Niall will be asking you why it didn’t work out between us.”

I’m too shocked to answer but then I get curious myself, ”Why didn’t it work out between us?”

I wonder what would make us break up if we were together. 

Not that I ever spend any time thinking about such a thing. I don’t. I’m not even gay. 

And Baz would never go for me obviously. He’s too posh.

”I didn’t tell him. Just that we did not end on amicable terms,” he answers and there’s still not a sneer insight.

Spooky…

I’m also surprised Baz didn’t blame it all on me — _our break up_. That would make a lot of sense.

Why didn’t he?

Also, when is he going to sleep? I need to watch him just in case...

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My beta asked me what will be happening in the next chapter... Well, I have no bloody clue, so we’ll see I guess...
> 
> Dear reader, thank you for supporting this outline-less fic and leaving warm comments. They mean the world to me. 💙


	5. Chapter 5

# BAZ

The whole interaction has been odd, but also strangely entertaining and it went better than I could have imagined. I escape to the ensuite before I ruin the good part of this evening. 

After changing into my pyjamas, I get to bed and sit down, unsure of what to do next. 

Snow is sitting on his bed too, watching me, frowning slightly.

Is he still trying to decipher what’s gay about me?

I try to ignore that, but it’s hard not to look at him when he’s _not_ glaring angrily. I throw a few glances his way.

# SIMON

”Are you getting ready for bed?” I ask Baz because he already changed into his pyjamas. 

”Yes,” he answers and actually looks at me. (Baz never looks at me, except to sneer.)

# BAZ

A chit chat with Simon Snow is odd on itself. However, the topics he chooses are even more baffling. ”Are _you_ getting ready for bed, Snow?” I ask back because I’m nothing if not polite.

”Um- not right away,” is what he answers with a deeper frown. Snow then proceeds to blush despite the topic of conversation being extremely mundane. 

He is a puzzling creature, I never noticed that about him.

As soon as he starts nibbling on his lower lip, I look away. I can’t see him like that, I’d end up blushing _myself_.

# SIMON

”Well, good night then,” Baz says and reaches for his book.

”Good night, Baz.” I’m not even going to pretend to read, I’m too agitated for that.

# BAZ

The plan was to read some. However, I’m too tired for that.

Not being able to sneer drained me both emotionally _and_ physically. I fell asleep faster than light.

# SIMON

Baz fell asleep fast while still holding his book. That might be the first sign that something is wrong. 

I’m not sure if it’s appropriate behaviour or not between two fake exes, but I get up and lift his book and put it on the table.

I leave the lights on, so I could see better and stay up a few hours watching him. 

There isn’t anything else out of the ordinary though about him sleeping. 

He looks perfect as always — his black hair sprawled on his cushion in an _elegant way._ (How he manages that is unknown.)

His face looks peaceful and beautiful. There is this tiny smile on his lips. I think it’s even better than a sneer. 

And I’m not afraid of his smile when he’s sleeping. I’ve seen it before during sleep so it’s not threatening in any way. It’s when Baz is awake then it’s concerning _._

I can’t see his eyes like this though. But that might be for the best, the _force_ of the vampire thrall is strong in his eyes.

Eventually, I turn the lights off and lay back in my bed, thinking about Baz.

I can hear him breathing. It’s nice. (That means the Humdrum hasn’t killed him and that’s why I am this satisfied.)

When I finally fall asleep myself, I dream about Baz without a sneer and with a smile instead. It’s both unsettling and pleasant at the same time. I wonder if the vampire thrall can get to me through dreams. 

How far does it reach exactly?

* * *

I spend the whole day watching Baz, to see if there’s anything out of the ordinary.

Haven’t seen anything yet but I will not give up.

He is talking to Niall a lot during lunch and isn’t looking my way at all. (Of course, he’s too busy for me — he’s _too popular._ )

# BAZ

Snow is staring at me. It’s worse than our fifth year because I can’t be sure why he is watching me this much and also frowning constantly. 

It’s the lack of anger in his eyes that is confusing, fifth year Snow was fuming with anger towards me — _constantly_.

Yet, he isn’t glaring at all — just looking at me like a normal person would (I’m assuming). 

That is not something I’m used to. 

And why is he frowning exactly? Is it because Niall thinks we’ve been together in a relationship? 

I’m terrified to be speaking to Niall at all at this point but since he’s my only friend I have no other choice do I? 

Furthermore, I’ve been trying to discuss everything between heaven and earth with him in order to postpone the conversation turning to Simon. 

The truth is that I still have no idea what to say, my brain is frozen on the topic. 

I am a true disgrace to myself and my family name. Despite being top of the class I apparently can’t come up with any good details about this so-called failed relationship...

At the moment I’m also a bit busy with a small mirror that I usually use for touching up my eyebrows. I’m holding it in my hand at an angle that gives me all the access to seeing Snow’s face while out of sight for him.

The reason is simply that I want to know _why_ he isn’t glaring at me so I have been watching him the whole lunch while trying to maintain a conversation with Niall. (I don't want my friend to get suspicious.)

# NIALL

”So you and Snow separated on bad terms?” I ask Basil.

He finally tears his eyes from the mirror he’s been using to unabashedly watch Snow through our whole lunch, and looks my way.

”Yes, that is correct,” he says and can hardly hide the worry in his voice.

”For any particular reason?” I press because I need more leverage here.

His eyes widen as he tries to deflect. ”I wouldn’t know.”

”Oh? Was it a sudden breakup?” I inquire _innocently_.

”Yes, exactly,” Baz answers eagerly. 

If he only knew what trap he just walked into…

”Are you saying Snow broke up with you, right out of the blue with no explanation?”

”I—,” he swallows nervously. ” _What_?”

”Did Snow break up with you without giving you much indication as to why?”

Basil blushes a tad. ”Yes, I suppose that might be an accurate description of what happened,” he speaks avoiding looking into my eyes.

”I’m sorry to hear that, Baz,” I tell him with all the mock-sympathy I can muster. ”I understand completely why you wouldn’t want to date at the moment.”

A shadow of the slightest smile is ghosting his lips. (He’s trying not to show it.) 

Baz thinks he’s won — that's more than a little gullible and he calls Snow a moron. (Basil is lucky I only have his best interests in mind because I’m his friend and care about his happiness.)

”Thank you, Niall. I’m so glad you understand.” he declares with that nonchalance he has no idea how to pull off.

”Of course,” I give him my best overly friendly smile. (I might be British but I did grow up in the States.)

Unfortunately, I have lacrosse after school today, so there won’t be time to interrogate Snow.

However, tomorrow is _Saturday._

Let the game begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My beta came up with a new title for Niall — _detective_ Niall.
> 
> I was going for Start Wars reference with the _force_. But truth be told I’ve only seen two movies (because 🖖) so it might have came out wrong. 
> 
> Still no outline, still living the wild and dangerous life on the edge. Thank you for all the support, dear reader. 💙


	6. Chapter 6

# SIMON

I’ve spent every lesson keeping an eye on Baz in order to determine the Humdrum involvement in possibly cursing him or putting a vampire thrall.

Haven’t noticed any abnormalities in his behaviour yet, but he sure tucks his hair behind his ear a lot.

He looks nice while doing it — his elegant fingers taking hold of a few strands of his hair and then moving them back with only the grace _Baz_ _alone_ is capable of. 

I’m not sure if it’s an important detail to this whole mystery or not but I make sure not to miss any of his moves. (I might need to see more just to be on the safe side, whether or not this is a clue.)

# BAZ

Snow keeps watching me, and still, there is no anger involved. I have honestly no idea what this might be about. 

By now he should have realized that gay people aren’t different from other people.

In truth, I don’t mind him looking, when it’s without fury. It’s nice. During class I sit in a way where I manage to catch a glimpse of him watching me from the corner of my eye. 

Every time he bites his lower lip while looking at me, my cheeks grow hot, (or as hot as they can with me being a vampire) and I end up looking away and tucking my hair behind my ear. 

That never happened to me before. At least not like this. It’s… Well, I don’t know what to call it exactly… Could it be a possible hint to contentment?

In truth, I wouldn’t know what this is… I might never figure this out because I don’t dare to ask Niall for advice. He can never know that I’m in love with Snow. I have been keeping it under wraps for years — no one can know.

I try to maintain indifference in front of Snow. It is more difficult than one might think. 

I’m used to deflecting his anger. But him looking at me, worrying his lower lip — _plum_ and red — is not something I’m used to be on a receiving end of. I have no idea what it all means…

# NIALL

The two morons spent the whole day looking at each other, even during class. Snow looks as if he wants to eat Basil. 

Baz, on the other hand, is extremely disoriented and borderline giddy.

”I’m in a bit of a hurry to lacrosse,” I say after our last lesson. Snow is still here, watching. 

We usually walk together from class but I need these two speaking to each other on a neutral ground.

”Oh... Well, good luck at practice,” Baz wishes me, still disoriented. 

”Thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow at the library,” I wave at him and leave them alone.

# BAZ

After Niall leaves, I stay behind to gather my things _and_ my thoughts. 

# SIMON

I wait for Baz and follow him out from the classroom, ”Where are you going?”

He gives me a wary look, ”To the library.”

”Can I come too?” I ask because I need to keep an eye on him (because of the Humdrum). 

”Alright,” he answers slowly as if he’s not sure.

Does he not want me with him? (I try not to think how much that would hurt.) 

# BAZ

What is happening here exactly?

”Do you not want me to?” Snow asks me.

”To come to the library?” I ask _him_ to clarify because he is the one acting very strange.

”Yeah,” he says and looks odd.

”I wouldn’t mind some company,” I tell him which is true. Even though his company is what I crave foremost, I don’t mind some company in general either. 

I’m not popular like Snow. There isn’t a herd of people waiting to befriend me. (Niall is playing lacrosse today.) 

Simon smiles at me. I _think_ it’s at me. Are there any other people left here? 

I look around but can’t see anyone.

We walk in silence. I don’t know what to say to him. I’m worried I slip and sneer. (I haven’t yet but the day is young, as Normals say.)

# SIMON

Baz still hasn’t sneered, not even once through this whole day. (I’m not sure how I feel about it.)

We sit by an empty table. Baz takes out his elocution book, so I do too.

”Are you going to do your homework for next week?” I ask quietly because I don’t know what else to ask.

”Yes, what are you going to do?” he whispers back and looks in my eyes. I don’t look away. I want to see if I can fight off the thrall. (The warm feeling is spreading through my body and there might be some butterflies now too.)

”Same, I guess.” It’s hard to concentrate but I am trying.

# BAZ

Does he want help with his homework? Is that what this whole thing is about?

I don’t mind helping him. Although a pang of something less than pleasant is on the merge of taking over...

”Can I help you with your homework?” I offer still in a quiet voice, because I want him to stay.

”Um- no, not really. I—” Snow blushes and nibbles on his lip again. ” — just keeping you company if that’s okay.”

I feel a blush creeping up my cheeks. I shouldn't have fed as much as I did yesterday. 

For a moment I forget how to speak because he didn’t come here to get help with schoolwork (I would have helped), he just wants to keep _me_ company. Which sounds utterly ridiculous, yet here he is sitting in front of me. 

Eventually, years of training of putting a lock on my emotions kicked in and I manage a simple, ”It is. I mean, yes.” 

This might not have been the most intelligent response, however, he smiles at me _again_. (What in Crowley’s name is happening here?)

”So what are we going to tell Niall about us?” he asks when no one is around. 

I like how it sounds — _us._ I know he doesn’t mean it like that.

# SIMON

The thing is it’s been nice to be Baz’s _fake_ _ex_ , (even if it only been one day.)

We don’t fight because of the magickal oath we’ve taken and I get to look at him more now, (only because I'm worried about the Humdrum obviously). 

I also get to talk to him and he looks at me, _really_ looks at me. 

He also blushes sometimes. It’s not all scarlet as when I do it. His blush is just a hint of pink, it’s much prettier than mine. 

I think it’s nice to be his fake ex. It would have probably been even better to be his _real_ _boyfriend_ but I know he’ll never go for someone like me. (He’s too posh and too popular.) Not that I’m saying that I’ve been lying awake half the night yesterday imagining him my boyfriend because I was not. (Probably not.)

”I think I managed to put the whole Niall debacle to rest,” Baz answers and those aren’t the news I want to hear.

# BAZ

”You have?” Snow asks confused.

”Indeed. If we’re lucky he might not even speak to you at all,” I respond and smile (or try at the very least). Simon smiles back at me, but it doesn’t seem to be as wholehearted as before.

# SIMON

Does it mean we won’t be fake exes anymore? Will Baz not want to sit with me at the library next time? 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As luck has it I managed to finish this chapter before my brain went completely berserk on me. (Not in a fun _warrior_ way but a _I’m too sad for writing_ way.) Not being able to see other humans, except for myself in the mirror, for so long has been messing with my head. 
> 
> Thank you, dear reader, for all the kind comments and support for this fic, and for my other fics too.
> 
> I’ll be back. 💙💙💙


	7. Chapter 7

# SIMON

Baz is reading a book and no one can look more glamorous while reading no matter how hard they try.

I need to protect him against the Humdrum.

He is too beautiful to die or get hurt. 

Also I really don’t want him to. Baz can’t die.

I’m trying to make it look as if I’m reading too, but I’m just watching him. (I don’t think he’s noticed yet.) 

”Is that your homework?” I ask because he's been very concentrated on his book. 

Baz lifts his gaze to me and my heart skips a beat when our eyes meet. His eyes are deep and beautiful, like a painting. I feel warm and my cheeks are burning. 

Must be the vampire thrall working through his eyes. I try to resist. 

I wonder what the thrall does exactly? What would it do to me? Is it dangerous?

”Yes, my homework,” he answers and blushes a bit. It looks very nice on him — the blush. (It's not prominent but I notice, I pay a lot of attention to Baz and how he looks.)

Everything looks amazing on him though. 

Not that it comes as a surprise... 

”I have a book too,” I show him the book I'm pretending to read, so he will believe me.

”I see, so do I,” he lowers his gaze back to his book.

# BAZ

I had to look away because I sound like a maniac. Why can't I learn how to speak like a normal person? 

Another concern is that I might confess my undying love to him while our eyes are locked on each other, especially when he’s rosy cheeks as he is now. I want to kiss his blush...

# SIMON

It must be a really important and emotional book because Baz has been blushing a lot while reading, tucking the strands of his beautiful hair behind his ear just like during classes. By now I realise this has nothing to do with a potential curse from the Humdrum.

But I'm still watching his elegant fingers touching his flawless silky hair. I can not stop looking, while my heart is pounding hard and those butterflies are taking over my insides _completely_.

(The vampire thrall is getting stronger than before, so it's definitely coming not just from Baz’s eyes.)

# BAZ

Snow is watching me still — staring at me.

I have no idea what I’m reading, I am too preoccupied with his eyes on me. They are burning me alive but in a slightly (extremely) different manner than usual. There hasn’t been any glaring or scowling yet. 

It takes all my self-control not to look back at him. 

Simon nibbling on his lower lip doesn’t help in the least.

I want to kiss him. (I can’t do that. I will never be able to do that.)

I wonder what he is thinking exactly.

# SIMON

I can’t stop thinking of how Baz’s lips look better than mine. I like them more. 

If I could, I would touch them with the tip of my finger or my lips, (as a test, just to confirm that they are indeed better.)

I wonder what kind of book he has there. He seems to be very into it.

”What are you reading?” I ask.

Baz finally tears his eyes from it and looks at me, ”Elocution, advance class,” he answers. But then he closes the book and pockets it in his bag very quickly. He probably doesn’t want to embarrass me because I’m not as smart as him.

Since our truth started Baz seems to like me much more than before. (I wonder if it has something to do with him using his magic on me during the magickal oath, that it made him feel closer to me because of that.)

# BAZ

Aleister Crowley, it was the wrong book. (That’s how little attention I was paying while reading it.) I put it away, before Snow notices and realizes that I’m in love with him.

I think it’s safe to assume that I can kiss my brilliant mind goodbye when he keeps watching me like that...

”Are you planning on leaving?” he asks.

”No, I was thinking of studying some more,” I lie as I take out another book. I was thinking to pretend to do that while watching _him_ out of the corner of my eye. ”Do you want to leave?”

If he does, I will too, of course.

# SIMON

”No, I’d like to stay with you longer,” I admit because I want to be where Baz is. Maybe the Humdrum will attack him here at the library. I need to be close to him at all times.

Baz smiles and I'm grinning. I can’t stop grinning. It’s because his smile is less scary this time. I might be getting used to it.

A smile looks even prettier on his lips than a sneer. 

And a sneer already looks good on him as it is.

We stay at the library until closing time while I watch his fingers turn each page of his book — slow and meticulous. Must be because Baz is overly organised and he knows how to study the right way.

# BAZ

I'm so terrified my hands might start shaking from the excitement of his presence and his gaze that I hardly dare to move a single muscle…

When the library is about to close, a dangerous thought intrudes my mind.

I start wondering if he’d want to walk back to our room together. After all, we did walk here from class. 

However, I do not wish to assume anything.

”Care to join me back to our room?” I ask him before I had time to think it through. 

Crowley, it sounds as if I’m asking him on a date or walking him home from one...

It almost felt as if we were on a date with Simon sitting with me at the same table and looking at me like that.

Of course, that is simply my vivid imagination striking again.

If only I could go back in time and rephrase it.

# SIMON

” _Yes_ ,” I almost sputter out because I want very much to walk next to Baz. 

I'd do it all the time if it was possible. (Because of the current threat against him.)

# BAZ 

Does this mean that I haven’t scared him away yet?

Unless he’s just being polite. Although, that isn't exactly Snow's most common feature. Especially not towards me.

Nonetheless, he agreed to walk with me.

So I clear the desk from all of my books. Simon only had one book out. He puts it in his bag and looks at me again, blinking his stubby light brown lashes at me, that I’ve become very familiar with and care _more_ than I should about.

I stand up and so does he — it’s a bit awkward. What is the protocol of leaving a library with your true love slash arch-nemesis that hates you.

”After you,” I say and hope this doesn’t make it sound like we’ve just been on a date.

”Thank you,” he mumbles and goes scarlet. Was I too much? 

# SIMON

I just had a thought. (Might have thought about it before too, the whole afternoon to be precise.) I wonder how Baz is on a date.

If this was one, it would mean that he has been smart and charming while I watched him creepily...

Well, I better not think about it. We’ve only fake exes. Baz would never want to have me as his boyfriend. 

I don't want that either and I’m not gay, obviously. So what does it even matter? 

Just because I’ve been thinking about blokes and how good it could probably feel to kiss one, especially if it was Baz and never about girls (Agatha doesn't count since I’ve been mostly interested if she might be dating Baz rather than anything else) doesn't actually mean I’m gay. 

Neither does it indicate in any way that I am secretly in love with Baz.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear reader, thank you for your patience. I'm finally back with some fluff.  
>   
> Lots of gratitude for all the support I've gotten these past few weeks. 😍☺️🥰  
>   
> Today's chapter has gotten a lot of inspiration from [ carryonsparks](https://carryonsparks.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr, who started an amazing project to inspire us.  
>   
> This week’s spark for inspiration is the word ”slow”.  
>   
> I've incorporated that both as an actual word since it gave me the idea for this overly awkward flirting _and_ as an emotional boost.  
>   
> My depression isn't going anywhere but it is possible to write something short and get a few smiles. And it's okay to start off **slow**.  
>   
> PS. If you notice something that's off and it bothers you for whatever reason, medical or otherwise (I myself get bothered for all kinds of reasons, medical included and it's so much worse now), please let me know and I will fix it right away.  
>   
>   
> Reading is supposed to be a _joyful_ experience but unfortunately small things can ruin that for some of us...

**Author's Note:**

> For once I’m working without an outline, just having some silly fun.  
>   
> Thanks for reading. 😎


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